Be Nice To You! (And to me too, please.) November 18, 2009
Posted by sterlingmf in Life As I Know It.Tags: compassion, kindness, raw, raw foods, rawdawg rory
3 comments
OK. So I’m learning more about raw foods – eating more raw foods and eating less junk. Because junk, my dears, is making me sick.
In doing so, I’ve been looking all over the Internet a lot, with the help of my gorgeous and smart friend Faiqa – and man! A lot of people take their food preferences – whatever those may be – verrrrrrrrry seriously.
Seriously. My daughter eats a low carb diet to handle the Metabolic Syndrome she probably inherited from me and my mom. And if you look around much, you can find Internet people into low-carb that are downright mean to anyone who is not into low carb. Or low carb enough.
It’s the same way with vegetarians – vegans – and it’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
Hey folks! How about when you try to improve what you put into your mouth, you pay equal attention to what comes out of your mouth!
That’s why I love this video clip. It’s done by a guy known as Rawdawg Rory on the raw foods scene, and he makes some kind and important points that are pertinent whether you’re trying to upgrade your diet, or anything to improve your life.
He makes me laugh. And you can find him HERE if you’d like to know more about him – he has some wicked awesome recipes!
Watch. Enjoy. And be nice to yourself.
To be “honorable” or to be true to myself? November 17, 2009
Posted by sterlingmf in Life As I Know It.6 comments
There have been so many times in my life when I have tried mightily to be a “good __________________”.
A good mother. A good wife. A good employee. A good Christian – especially that one.
In doing so, very often I have denied huge big chunks of myself because someone else has dcided that those things are bad.
But I’ve done it anyway.
In fact, you know what’s really screwed up? I have even given up the practice of a faith that is very, very important to me…because someone else didn’t share my love for my faith, and denigrated it subtly.
I’m struggling mightily again right now.
I just recently discovered that someone with whom my heart has been an open book – someone whom I have tried to love with all the strength and transparency I have in me – doesn’t get it. Doesn’t get me. And assumes that I am something else.
I want so badly to trumpet this to the world.
But to do so, in my mind, would be less than honorable. Because in personal relationships, you don’t try to garner support for your “side”. If a relationship is important to you, you ride it out, and wade through the muck, and do the hard work to come to a point of understanding with that person.
I guess I believe that if somone doesn’t get me, the fault is mine, and I need to try harder to show myself, and reveal myself, and to show myself to be trustworthy and honest and …. and ….
Yeah. I’m struggling.
I’ve Found My Raisson d’etre…. November 6, 2009
Posted by sterlingmf in Life As I Know It.3 comments
I’m not crazy.
I know I’ve started new blogs before, but that’s not because I’m a flighty whateveryoucallit.
I mean, I am, but that’s not why.
I started blogging because I love to write. But I was writing in the shadow of another talented and gifted blogger in our family, and God knows, I can’t compete there.
I just didn’t feel like I had anything to share in the realm of “personal blogger” that was worth anyone’s time. Especially my own.
There are things I am passionate about, but in my daily life, the things I feel passionate about that I think other people might be interested in have to do with me as a nurse. And me as a Natural Nurse specifically.
Meaning, I’m a nurse. But that doesn’t mean I’m all about technology-at-all-costs. Or feel sick? Take a pill.
Always always always I have cared about more natural things. Like herbs. Complementary medicine. Eating better.
I was very young when I was mystified by the thought that people were eschewing what is recognizable as “real food” for things prettily packaged in boxes, jars, and cans.
A year and a half ago I realized that the hormones in our current meat supply were inducing all-day-every-day PMS for me. I started eating a vegan diet, and felt relatively GREAT. But because no one else in my family wanted to eat healthy, I gave it up for the sake of “family meals together” and convenience.
And then I got sick. Just a cold, but wow. It took me 3-1/2 weeks to get over it and during that time, I went to the doctor twice – which is twice more than I have ever been to the doctor in the past six years at least.
I looked old. And pale. And baggy faced. I felt terrible. And exhausted. All the time.
And then someone who I love and respect – someone eho is decidedly not a weirdo tree hugger – mentioned that she was following a 90% raw foods diet – and that she felt fabulous.
So I tried it. Totally unprepared, but I tried it. In three days my cold was gone and my husband noticed the diffeerence in my face.
And then I had a totally craptastic night at work and consoled myself by cramming every rotten thing I could find in my face as fast as I could.
By the time I got home from work that morning, my husband took one look at my face and said, “What happened to you?” My face was pale with red blotches, my eyes were puffy.
It appears that the years of cummulative synthetic crap load has taken its toll, and I can’t handle any of that nastiness anymore.
So I went back to what is called a “high raw” diet. Most of the time, I eat fresh, raw fruits and vegetables, with seeds and nuts thrown in.
And I immediately started feeling better.
And I knew that this, finally, was something I could feel passionate about to write about on a daily basis. That, and my love for nursing.
So I set up a new blog called A Natural Nurse.
I don’t know if anyone follows me here on a “feed” or whatever it’s called, but if you do, I hope you’ll follow me there.
Dark Morning of the Soul (how grandiose!) October 5, 2009
Posted by sterlingmf in Life As I Know It.9 comments
I’m so discouraged today.
And yes, I worked 12 hour nights this weekend, so some helpful soul out there is going to blame my mood on fatigue. Someone who doesn’t know that I usually leave work on Monday mornings with a song in my heart and bells on my feet.
You don’t do what I do without a deep abiding sense of optimism and idealism.
And when that gets cracked, it makes you question everything about your profession.
I know I more-than-love being a nurse. For me, being a nurse is to get paid for being who I am.
And I love the people I care for at my job. It’s the reason I’ve stayed there for over five years – which is a long time for a rolling stone like me.
And I slunk out the door at work this morning feeling like there’s no way that my best efforts can ever be enough.
Bleh.
I may need to rethink some things here.
A Few Simple Rules October 2, 2009
Posted by sterlingmf in Life As I Know It.Tags: adult children, avitable, britt, children, family, middle aged, snackiepoo
11 comments
I haven’t blogged in a while. School consumes me, yes. Don’t let anyone kid you – going back to school when you’re my age is no walk in the park.
Don’t get me wrong – I love it. (And apparently, it loves me, too, because I got my Dean’s List thing in the mail this week for the summer semester – yay!) But the ol’ memory doesn’t retain and recall like it did twenty years ago.
But mostly, it’s been a rough week in my little corner of the Internet. People I dearly love have been hurting hurting hurting. And my motherly instinct to rush in and nurture, make a pot of soup, listen, croon, soothe and uplift has been going into overdrive – all in a comical excercise of futility.
Because, in the end, these people are adults – not children anymore. And I live 1400 miles away.
But I need to set forth a few simple rules here, just in case some moron forgot.
Rule #1: If you are my child, I can yell at you. No one else is allowed to. Ever. And hurt you? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Pity the freaking fool.
Rule #2: If you are good to my child, then you are forever gilded for me. Period. You may be an egomaniacal craptard who annoys the crap out of me regularly – but I adore you. And will in perpetuity.
Rule #3: Once you are good to one of my children – and by that I mean really, really there for said child, then by a mysterious alchemy, you become my child as well. And thus, when you are hurting, I want to mother you. And make it better. Which may be annoying to you, but that’s how it is.
I don’t even want to tell you how many of my kids’ closest friends have, at one time or another, called me their “second mom”.
And I love that. I love them all.
Today my daughter sent a Tweet showing a photo of herself dressed and ready for the Izea conference she is attending this weekend.
And I died.
I’ve seen that look on her face before. It was, I think, about 13 years ago, when she had her first real heartbreak.
She would sit in her room for hours – no, lay on her bed in her room for hours, with John Michael Montgomery’s song “I Can Love You Like That” playing in an endless loop on her CD player. As if she had to hear it over and over and over and try to figure out how someone could say that to her, and then prove otherwise.
She has a senior picture from that time that I loathe with all my heart, because it has the same look. Gaunt. Pale. Bewildered. Wounded and young.
She looked outwardly beautiful in that picture, and she looks outwardly gorgeous in this one.
But I can see.
Rule #4: If you hurt one of my children – whether it’s a child I gave birth to, or a child God gave me through circumstances – I will never forgive you.
Piss them off? That’s cool. I will sit and have a beer with you and commisserate with you about how not-fun it is to have one of my children pissed off at you.
But hurt them?
About twenty years ago, I saw a young man who had really badmouthed my daughter all over town – “uptown” on the street with friends. I jumped out of my car and backed him up against the wall, running my mouth a hundred miles an hour.
To this day, that boy loves me. We just had to get a few rules straight.
As I’ve gotten older, I don’t do stuff like that anymore. And I’ve restrained myself from making phone calls threatening death and mayhem. Not even so much as a text message.
But I don’t forget.
I live by a few simple rules that I thought everyone was clear on.
And even though I won’t (probably), I really want to beat the crap outta someone right now.
Motherly Meltdown September 15, 2009
Posted by sterlingmf in Life As I Know It.Tags: adult children, being a woman, children, family, letting go, meltdown, motherhood
7 comments
For all my brave talk about how my kids are adults…blah blah blah…and I trust them to live their own lives…blah blah blah…I had a Major Mother Meltdown yesterday.
Tweren’t pretty.
I knew it was coming for a few days, actually. And the fact that my sleep schedule was all screwed up for three days (4 hours here, 4 hours there) just exacerbated everything. I’m one of those people who doesn’t wear sleep deprivation well at all.
At about 2 AM on Monday morning – while I was at work (and having a crappy night on top of everything) – it all crashed onto my head like a ton of smelly horseshit.
Every horrible fear I could ever imagine for the babies I raised and prayed for and nurtured came out in full force, fully fanged and poisonous.
And my response was to want to snatch the little buggers and yank them down beside me and say, “Sit here NOW! DON’T get too close to the edge! DON’T go out so deep in that water! Don’t you know WHAT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU out there?”
And bear in mind, we’re talking about (and I was talking to) adults.
I have to tell you that the yank-ee bore it with a lot more grace than I was showing at the time. I sobbed. I pleaded. Let me keep you safe, I begged. You don’t know what you’re doing. You don’t know how bad this can hurt.
It hurt us both, which I regret. At the end, we were both bruised, battered and breathless…so then, of course, I wanted to mother-comfort.
Yuck.
I am perfectly willing to let my kids make their own mistakes as long as the potential consequences are trivial. But the thought of anything else exposes me for the fraud I am that masquerades most days as a “cool mom”.
I’m not. I’m just a mom. I would stand over you, teeth bared, and defend you to the death against all comers. I don’t know what to do, though, to battle heartbreak, fear, self-doubt and despair.
The good news is that a meltdown is self limiting. No strangers to conflict, my kids and I, as passionate, intense people with strong opinions, all of us – we’ve been here before. We know how to fight it out and see it through to the end.
We end up still intact and loving each other.
I can’t let go as well as I should sometimes. They should know that about me by now.
I can’t let go.
I’m not as cool as all that, in the end.
And You Think YOU’VE Got It Bad September 14, 2009
Posted by sterlingmf in Life As I Know It.Tags: funny stuff, obama
3 comments
This pic from Funny Pictures, Political Humor
Taking a Stand Against Hatred September 11, 2009
Posted by sterlingmf in Life As I Know It.Tags: 9/11, hatred, health care debate, health care reform, Joe Wilson, respect, South Carolina, uninsured
6 comments
Today when my husband got dressed for work, he put a black mourning band across his badge, and I suddenly remembered what day it was.
I remember so clearly that day — and weeks afterward — when I was frozen to the TV, hypnotized by horror, Horror and sadness and anger and wailing like a child, “Why?”
I don’t believe that hatred solves anything. I believe with every fiber of my being that hatred is a malignancy that attacks both the host (the hate-er) and those surrounding.
Today I call us all to put an end to hatred, big and small. There is another way. If we can’t get all the way to love, then let’s at least resolve to sit — to really look at whoever or whatever we’re hating — to see them as people, and not as objects. To listen to each other. And to talk.
Let us resolve to talk and talk and talk and talk and talk – even when it seems that all the talking is in vain – but to talk until we can come to some resolution, and agree to never ever ever give up and give in to hatred.
I was saddened by the whole address to the joint houses of Congress the other night – the whole “You lie” outburst by Joe Wilson.
Listen, Joe. I know you’re a Republican and, therefore, everything Obama says is going to fall on deaf ears with you.
So let’s hear what your ideas are instead. Instead of embarrassing yourself and the whole country with a childish and bully-like outburst, tell me instead what your ideas are for helping out your very own people.
Because it didn’t take me ten seconds to get the statistics that 19.4% of South Carolinians are uninsured. And in 2002, uninsured South Carolinians cost the system $1,936 per uninsured individual.
Those people who voted for you, and that, presumably, you work to protect their interests? 60% of the uninsured are hard working citizens of South Carolina. and 74% of the uninsured list affordability as the reason they have not purchased health insurance.
Furthermore, South Carolina is one of the unhealthiest states, ranking 46th in the nation.
This is where, as a nurse, I get ticked off. I can understand if someone doesn’t agree with the current healthcare reform bill as proposed. But then, by God, it’s time to suggest something else and not waste all of our time with spewing hatred, and making asses out of yourself, and out of us as a nation on the world stage.
People are dying and suffering needlessly, and the best we can do is behave like children who, in my house, would have been sent to their rooms when they got home?
Please. If we really want to remember the horrific events of eight years ago in a meaningful way, let us resolve to take a stand against hatred, and cynicism, and divisions.
Let us pull up our Big Boy and Girl Panties and act like grown ups and talk. In personal arenas and public ones.
Let us give each other room to disagree, but let’s do so as if we care about each other.
Hatred never leads to anything productive.
Love and respect can lead to miracles.
Thinking of Dawg today – may you never have to see the sights you saw that day again.
Where Cockiness and Humility Collide September 10, 2009
Posted by sterlingmf in Life As I Know It.Tags: nursing, nursing school, pathophysiology, tests
5 comments
So, last night I took one of my weekly Pathophysiology tests. And despite studying my butt off, I missed 6 out of 30, for a round percentage of 80%.
And yes, 80% is still passing. In fact, it’s a B – in a program where you have to get a B to continue.
The problem is that I am not an 80% student! So I’m a little freaked.
Oh, I studied. I read the 200+ pages and actually enjoyed and understood them. I had taken copious noted on my study guide during the lecture, and then cross referenced them as I read, adding more.
I then went back and transcribed what I had written into 3×5 flash cards to study from. All things that have made me a straight-A student all my life up to this point.
Pride makes me reveal that the whole class struggled with this one, and while I missed six, most of my classmates missed more. Except that, yeah, I don’t care about them right now.
I’m pissed. And I’m scared. This is really dense, difficult, complicated stuff I’m trying to learn.
And for the first time in my entire life, I am really starting to wonder if perhaps – as smart as I am – I won’t be smart enough to become the nurse practitioner I have always wanted to be.
My instructor in the class has an easy facility with this stuff and I think, OK, where am I going wrong.
So, I’m a little shaky today, and more than a little humbled. And possibly POMS-y (I can never remember),
Yet Another Rant September 8, 2009
Posted by sterlingmf in Life As I Know It.Tags: being a woman, childcare, family, housework, marriage, responsibility, sharing responsibility
11 comments
OK. So, this weekend while I was at work, I saw a magazine article or a newspaper article or something, I don’t remember which. Something about “Men, if you really want to make your wife happy, if you get home from work before her, start dinner and throw in some laundry.”
Which is akin to “Can a woman have a man who works full time and “helps out” around the house and “helps out” with the kids? Well, a girl can dream, I guess.”
Seriously? We’re still having this ridiculous conversation?
Decades after it has become the norm for women to work full time outside the home as well as men? We’re still clinging to the idea that, somehow, women are the ones responsible for making sure the meals get made and the laundry gets done and the house gets cleaned?
Bull. Shit.
Yes. It is possible for a man to work full time and be an equal partner in keeping shared living spaces clean and habitable, and assume equal responsibility for kids that are his too.
And as long as we’re going there, no, fathers do not ever “babysit” their own kids when their wives are somewhere else.
As I write this, my husband is sitting across the table from me with his laptop, and I just heard him mumble to himself, “I’m gonna play Farkle a little bit, and then I’m gonna do those dishes quick.”
And this is a 48 year old man brought up in the era of stay at home full time housewives.
He outgrew the sensation of Mommy caring for every need, and realizes that his wife – who also works full time and studies full time – is not going to make sure he has clean underwear to work tomorrow, and if he wants some, he better get up and wash them himself.
Kudos to him and to all the other men out there who do that. They would rather sit and watch TV the same as I would sometimes, when I get up and make dinner. They get up and do it anyway.
And shame on those of us women who keep our men in a state of infancy, by assuming that it’s too haaaaaaaaaaarrrrrddddd for the poor, helpless little darlings to work a full time job and take care of themselves when they come home.
Bleh. I spent a number of years being attracted to poor, helpless little darlings who obviously needed me to hold them together and take care of them.
I got over it.
I’m a full grown woman these days who gets all googly over a full grown man wgho can take care of himself and of me, when I need it.
Stop it. Just stop it.
